tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-283604722011-04-21T21:11:48.156-07:00beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.comBlogger191100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1159362048554448922006-09-27T05:57:00.001-07:002006-09-27T07:42:32.720-07:00<strong>"Sometimes life </strong><br /><strong>can be like a bad movie. </strong><br /><strong>You sit through it,</strong><br /><strong>hoping it will get better,</strong><br /><strong>suspecting that it won't </strong><br /><strong>and wondering at what point</strong><br /><strong>you can reasonably walk out.."</strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115936204855444892?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1158550743222800592006-09-17T20:18:00.000-07:002006-09-17T21:12:59.353-07:00if a picture can paint a thousand words..<br />then why cant i paint u...<br />if my expression can tell u how i feel.. <a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/795/2913/1600/Photo-0013A.1.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 338px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 292px" height="172" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/795/2913/400/Photo-0013A.0.jpg" width="336" border="0" /></a><br />then why do i still feel unread..<br /><br />u noe when u told me that ur moving...<br />it was like i just choked on sumting...<br />it was like a shock...n i felt gosh....<br />there goes everiting...<br /><br />no more plans for birthdae parties..<br />no more outings..<br />i guess ill never reach the theme park with u...<br />no more sneaking ins..<br />no more prtetending to bump into u..<br />no more staying near u...<br /><br />ull be far ...<br />far far away from me..<br />im just so afraid..<br />everyone's gone..<br />some changed for the ppl the love...<br />who haf i got left...<br />siti...<br />d onli one around...<br /><br />the more i try not to show...<br />the more painful it is 4 me..<br />but like u said..<br />"its ur family choice"<br /><br />drastic move i will not try to make bt if i do...<br />please try to undastand...<br /><br />whats left of me...<br />is just emotions that i cant express on paint to show u how i realli feel...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115855074322280059?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1157192664303428222006-09-02T03:10:00.001-07:002006-09-02T05:28:04.390-07:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/795/2913/1600/8366138628992l.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/795/2913/320/8366138628992l.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />syg...forgive me 4 d lies i told u<br />for the pain i brought to you,<br />for the silent suffering i caused...<br />n for all the tears i made you shed..<br /><br />31st August...<br />dat nite u made me feel d pain i caused you..<br />even as guilt shadowed me i just refuse to b honest...<br />not realising tt u already know the truth...<br />the letter u left me...gosh...it must have been painful to you..<br /><br />i never meant to hurt you...<br /><br />syg i love you.. sorry.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115719266430342822?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1156943596608269402006-08-30T06:09:00.000-07:002006-08-30T06:13:16.606-07:00u hurt me so much by doin the things u do...<br />syg, i wont forget dis day...<br />u noe wat happened...<br /><br />have fun wherever u are..<br />you donot have to worry or get jealous by anybody...<br />i care 4 u too much...<br />i wont hurt u...<br />i oready did wat u want me to...<br />hope u feel betta now..<br /><br />-jaded-<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115694359660826940?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1156943326457120962006-08-30T06:05:00.000-07:002006-08-30T06:08:46.466-07:00dun treat me like im stupid...<br />if u ask me sumting...n i answer u<br />do not reconfirm w d others...<br />y bother asking then??<br /><br />it hurts u noe...<br />dun bother asking me aniting d next time ok!!!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115694332645712096?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1155728384723094572006-08-16T04:27:00.000-07:002006-08-16T04:39:44.746-07:00Was it something I said, to make you turn away?<br />To make you walk out and leave me cold...<br />If I could just find a way<br />To make it so that he'll be right here right now...<br /><br />*sighs*<br />no words can decribe how im feeling rite now...<br />tremendously sad.... dats d closest i can get....<br />ive been keeping it eversince dat day...<br />if onli i could turn back time, i would do anyting so dat day wont end like how it ended...<br />i wanted to make it easier 4 evey1 around...<br />so i smiled...n laughed n joked....<br />but i was tearing inside all along...<br /><br />i kept it too long dat now it hit me so badly dat i cant stop tearing...<br />oh god pls...<br />pls make it easier 4 me...<br />y do this things happen so suddenly...when i wasnt prepared..?<br /><br />mayb time will heal all wounds...<br /><br />you...have alwiz brightened my day every single day ever since i noe u...<br />yet today ive lost dat brightness...lost dat light.....<br />tank u 4 d love d joy d laughter n d tears u brought to me....<br />i will take my time...recalling all d times we shared together...<br />tank u...<br /><br />mwakZ~<br />love u ...still<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115572838472309457?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1154694756932159812006-08-04T05:05:00.000-07:002006-08-04T21:49:03.756-07:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/795/2913/1600/25898167954420l.0.jpg"></a><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/795/2913/1600/25898167954420l.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 162px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 136px" height="233" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/795/2913/320/25898167954420l.jpg" width="159" border="0" /></a><br />1. I hate it when you make me feel unwanted when we talk on the phone...<br />2. I hate it when you get angry when i'm angry....<br />3. I hate it when you never gave me a chance to plan an outing...when i wana plan to do something, you would iritate me by saying 'i can't confirm w you 1st.'<br />4. I hate it when you make so many plans....i kinda 4got most of it.... cos its like not gona hapen anyways.<br />5. I hate it when you hate d fact dat i club n dance with other people when u always find a reason not to club with me...<br />6. I hate it when you seldom include me in your plans..when i cant wait to include u in my<br />every activities.<br />7. I hate it when i listen to the fun you have with your frens but i cant be there.<br />8. I hate it when you dont seem to trust me...at times...<br />9. I hate it when you can just give up a special thing just because of minor2 reasons...<br />10. I hate it when I still love you so much that all d 9 reasons above don't matter at all to me...<br /><br /><br /><strong>Shah rizal</strong>, you are just too precious too me..<br />What is dis spell that you casted on me...?<br />Do not break dis spell...because im so happy in it....<br /><br />love u ,<br />mwakZ~<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115469475693215981?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1154171772150395632006-07-29T04:12:00.000-07:002006-07-29T20:25:44.643-07:00<p>writing down something actually helps. but actually doing it, now thats something else.</p><p>i can write so much here but nothing can be done. nonetheless i feel so much better. a piece of it left chunked up on this virtual page. </p><p>when tomorrow comes, its a just another vicious old cycle. over n over n over again. rolling on like another cream cake down the hill.</p><p>i used to be lonely. and happy. now im just lonely. </p><p>its like im in a room with so many people but they dont say a word...not a word to me.</p><p>im waiting 4 u to approach n talk to me...</p><p>make me smile...smile again...</p><p></p><p>people are talking<br />i see it in their eyes<br />sometimes i hear them speak<br />sometimes i hear them lie<br />and its making me sick<br />they just dont understand</p><p>im still waiting.....<br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115417177215039563?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1154155390081596102006-07-28T22:48:00.000-07:002006-07-28T23:49:08.140-07:00<em>my teas gone cold </em><br /><em>im wondering y got out of bed at all..</em><br /><br />yup...dats exactly how i felt yesterday...<br />mum called at abt 7am, crying telling me how busy d stall is n that her helper hasnt come.<br />i sighed n listened...<br />man what away to start my day...<br />its fri..not exactly my favourite dae...<br />i closed my eyes 4 abt another 15 mins...n called her back..<br /><em>"ma, dya want me to cum n help?"</em><br /><em>"nope, shes on d way. she woke up late."</em><br /><br />hmm i thought of dragging myself to clinic...<br />u noe, go get the doctor's sympathy or rather MC..<br /><em>nah, i'll just get through today</em>, i thought.<br /><br />my mum is by far the onli person who can realli2 affect me emotionally...<br />if shes mad at me...<br />i don even wanna go hme...<br />too sad...<br /><br />so yeah, i went to school..<br />see the norm...do the norm...<br />which includes slping through accounts <strong>AGAIN</strong>!!<br />damn...im so lost in accountings...<br />whoever cares about what company xyz spent on..or how much company abc loan is...<br />n what d hell is depreciation n owner's equity anyway......??<br /><br />brought food from mum's stall but still went to visions in school to eat...<br />this is where the hell part began...<br />siti n i were the first 2 to come in...<br />n we were greeted by the headwaiter for the day...(students from CHRO)<br />we realised we were placed in the same table wif lynn n wanling...<br />so went we entered visions...suddenly we were like paris hilton n nicole richie..<br />(i choose to be nicole btw)<br />sorry siti! <em>i enjoy being a pop girl but im kind enuf to let u haf the bigger limelite...hehe<br /><br /></em>we sat down...self service..<br />waited 4 shalini, wanling n lynn...<br />wan ling wasnt feeling well..so i requested that she had warm water..<br />d waitress ignored n just poured icewater...<br />nevermind i reminded her again..n shalini was nice enough to swith her goblet ...<br />so d waitress came again w a pot of HOT water n poured into d goblet!!!<br />all d 5 of us freaked out n told her to change to a teacup...incase the goblet gave way..<br />the waitress expressions show that she was annoyed n n went in to take teacup..<br /><br />bread was served... n when shalini asked for more bread, dis particular waiter answered very sarcasticly "<strong><em>of coz its neW</em></strong>!!!!" <em>huh</em>? either hes dumb of deaf... or perhaps both..<br /><br />food was served...service sequence was totally messed up...<br />fine i was worse when i did my training...<br />soon we saw d service staffs having an arguement among themself n one of them started crying...<br />the headwaiter was sitting on the floor fooling arnd w the assitant headwaitress...<br /><strong>WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!</strong><br />we din care n joked among ourselves.<br />the wine waiter came n when we said we did not wine any "mocked" wines, he was like <em>"</em> <em>u noe rite its only orange squach n syrup?"</em><em></em><br />of course we know...ur asking d wrong group sweetheart.<br />we freaking completely our TR too long ago!!!<br /><br />food sux...<br />n they din want to clear our plates 4 sum reason..<br />so lynn asked them to clear.<br />the waitress came to us and asked a bonus qn..<br /><em>"u guys want the bill u still want your coffee n tea??"</em><br /><br />huh u joking rite!!!<br />we paid 4 the whole course...<br />of coz we want our coffee n tea...<br />the cups were placed on the gueridon n we saw that the teaspoon r dirty so lynn requested that they changed n rudely the waitress who was crying all the whilw told us that they haf changed it..<br />"<em>oh oh!! liar liar pants on fire</em>..."<br />the teas were poured...<br />i laughed when i saw my cup...<br />its as though i paid half price 4 it...<br /><br />siti did not even get her sugar..<br />we showed no signs at all that we were annoyed...<br />we were infact laughing n chatting w mr zin...<br />he was telling us how diploma students is far2 betta than certificate ones..damn rite!!<br />n that most trainers gave up on these students....<br /><br /><br /><br />shalini called 4 d bill but thw waitress were busy talking so she had to go to the cashier n practically pay the bill herself.. *sighS*<br /><br />we were the last group to leave n every table that cum in to eat were given the feedback form...<br />sumhow, the headwaiter refused to give us the feedback form..<br />mr zin called the headwaiter to listen to our feedback n lynn had the honours..<br />after we were abt to leave..remember the guy who was dumb n deaf...<br />he loudly asked mr zin <strong><em>"mr zin that one from which class ah!!!!!?"</em></strong><br />so i turned n answered <em>"dhm 0405a n b..."</em><br />the best part : he shouted back<em> "<strong> u tink u so pro ah?"</strong></em><br />n so i answerd <em>"of course better than u"</em><br />i was of course fuming mad!<br />i realised that my service is not exactly perfect...still rooms 4 improvement...<br />but i refuse to be arrogant when guest give feedbacks when i did a mistake...<br />n i <strong>DONOT</strong> i repeat <strong>DONO</strong>T shout at guest...<br />i guess thats how we diploma students in SHATEC were taught during our FnB semester...<br />in the hotel industry, we cannot afford to be arrogant n rude...<br />my sympathy go out to these people...<br />they have a long2 way to go...<br />n thanks to these people....the shatec name is tarnished....<br /><br />*sighS*<br /><br />n so d rest my my dae were accompanied by dark grey skies....<br />i realised that by reading my blog certain people are not happy with me...<br />to whom it may concern...<br />i cant express my feelings verbally so please please let me express my feelings here freely..<br />please dont deprieve me of my own thoughts.<br />what u read here ends here...<br />so this is y i do not want to publicize my blog...<br />people get upset n become so cold towards me...<br />at first i wanted to delete my whole blog because of what happened....but i dont want to deprieve myself..<br />im human n i haf feelings and opinions too...<br />so please do me a favour n let me blog freely...<br />u either read n appreciate my thoughts or just delete my address permanently from yr memory...<br />im sorry if whatever i blog here has upset anyone..<br />my conscious is clear...<br />i just want to let it out silently n not bear any grudges against anyone...<br /><br />my bad day did not end here<br />when i was on the way home...<br />mum called to ask me buy her dinner but sumhow we got into an arguement.<br />i stayed out till 2 am...crying in public...<br /><strong>boo hoo hoo</strong>...yeah i noe crybaby me...<br />but its my way of letting it all out..<br />damn upset to go hme...<br /><br />just wished that rizal was here to comfort me...<br />but its ok...when hes back...he will be bombarded by my so many stories..<br />poor him...<br />hehe...<br />zal, miz u loads...<br /><em>mwakZ~</em><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115415539008159610?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1153628784209912452006-07-22T21:04:00.000-07:002006-07-28T23:49:45.210-07:00<em>i wish i could tie u up in my shoes </em><br /><em>make u feel unpretty too...</em><br /><em>i was told i was beautiful..</em><br /><em>what does that mean to u?</em><br /><em></em><br />its been a long time since i blogged.<br />alot has happened or rather changed...<br />my pc crashed...<br />mum got another stall.. <em>geeZ!</em><br />n I finally cut my hair...damn short.<br />around chin level...u noe 4 a change...<br />i like it..<br />i feel reborn..<br />fresh...<br />less hassels...<br /><br />but to my dismay (then)<br />many actualli criticised me like thers no tomorrow.<br />they made fun of me<em> again...</em><br /><br /><em>n again...</em><br /><br /><em>n again...</em><br /><br />hmmm i wonder<br />whats up w dat?<br /><br />correct me if im wrong...<br />i THINK its MY hair rite??<br /><br />so y do u people haf to purposely openly make fun of me...?<br />my hair...<br />i choose what i wana do with it...<br />if i cum to school tomorrow bald...its still my choice..<br />mind your own business n <strong>STOP</strong> i repeat <strong>STOP</strong> asking me<br /><br />"whats wrong with your hair?? " or<br />"beevi y u cut ur hair?" or<br />" your hair is damn ugly, do something abt it"<br /><br />what m i???<br />some kind of <strong>YOUR</strong> doll...?<br />just d other dae my mascara smurge ALITTLE n many were making a big fuss abt it...<br />commenting dat im ugly n messy!!!<br />what d fucK!!!!<br />im no britney spears ....<br />u <strong>DONOT</strong> have to pay extra attention on my looks...<br />i wera my hair n makeup how i want to ....so<br />BUZZ OFF n mind your bloody own business...<br />mayb i should take it as a compliment dat u people are paying extra attention towards me...<br />but sadly i dowan 'fans' who have no taste n cant even groom emself proper...<br />haha such a joke!!<br /><br /><br />trying to bring me down heh??<br />mayb u tink u succeeded cus u saw me tearing...<br />tell u d truth it wasnt tears of sadness...<br />its more to angry at myself dat i din get to punch u so hard dat u become UGLY...<br />no no...UGLIER!!!<br />gosh u shld be grateful that god created me weak...<br /><br /><br />i like my hair...<br />so shhhh...<br />my money... so u haf no say!!<br /><br /><br />piss off!<br />look into d mirror, 3/4 of those who actualli made dis comments are actualli worsT...<br />look here!! <strong>my hair will grow but u will remain UGLY!!!!</strong><br />so start working on yrself b4 u even think of criticising me...<br /><br />tanx to <strong>siti rahmah</strong> who suggested dis new look n being there when every1 else were mocking at me...<br />you rock !!!<br />n to my sunshine...shah darling,<br />you never fail to make me feel so beautifuL....<br />mwakz!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115362878420991245?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1152183147316025512006-07-06T03:42:00.000-07:002006-07-06T17:17:34.186-07:00<em>dis is gonna take a while...</em><br /><br />last nyte at abt 8pm i was awokened by d vibration of my handphone...<br />was expecting darling to msg me..but it was<strong> <em>RAI</em></strong>..<br />he asked me if i was online...i replied "no,y?"<br />"can u come online.i wana tell u sumthing".he texted me back...<br /><br />heavyhearted n butterflies no, no more like mosquitoes in my tummy i went to switch on my pc.<br />sumhow i saw what he was gonna tell me coming but i was just waiting to see if my fortune telling skills has improved...<br /><br />"what im gonna tell u stays between u n me ok cos i treat u as a friend, i tink i should tell u.but u dun tell anyone i told u k...cos they dowana let u noe 1st."<br />i was getting closer.<br /><em>bring it on</em> i tot to myself..<br />"i think they dowan u in d grp...they finding a replcement because they still hold grudges against u abt u goin to the chalet!"<br /><strong>BINGO!!!!!</strong> i was rite...damn rite!!<br />eerrrrm correct me if im wrong d freaking chalet took place abt 9 months ago...<br />dammit guys it was 9 FREAKING months ago!!!!!<br /><br />im not sure to be proud of myself 4 guessing it rite or to cry because i cant believe what he told me...<br />n so typical of me, i chose to cry...<br />disgusted,sad n betrayed...<br />2 days back one member of d grp has confirmed dat im still in d group.d onli person they want out is nelson...<br />now d "leader" of d group is back they had to listen to him cos he tot dat by enjoying myself after i haf completed all my tasks assigned to me is bloody damn irresponsible..<br />they had wanted me to see one group members type everyting out...<br />do nothing else just watch him type..<br />since im d onli weakling ther, d onli girl in d group...i cant do wat i want but they can...<br />its wrong if i cum late 4 meetings but its alrite if they do...<br />its wrong if i cant attend a meeting but its alrite if they had werk or have to meet d gfs n cancelled meetings...<br />watever they say, ill do it...<br /><br />i pitied myself 4 awhile..thought dat im d onli pathetic person whu doesnt haf a grp...<br />i din wana attend classes today..<br />i mean how can i face em..<br />i felt betrayed..<br />u wan me out, u cum up to me n freaking tell me dat u want me out...<br />because u still hold grudges against me...tell me staright <strong>BOY</strong>!!!<br />but no...u had to go behind me...tried to find replacement 4 me...after yr gd fren had cnfirmed dat im still in d grp...<br />no wonder uve been cold towards me 4 no reason...<br />gosh...i not toking abt some <strong><em>boy </em></strong>goin tru puberty stage...i refering to <strong><em>mEN</em></strong>!!!! or r they realli???hmm i wonder...<br />if i did sumthing wrong behind u or intentionaly, mayb ill feel bad...but if u treat me like i killed yr dog when i dun ghaf a single clue of whats goin on...den too bad...i <strong>DUN CARE</strong>!!!<br />it will affect me 4 awhile but after i realised dat ur not important to me....ill press d bell n <strong><em>NEXTTT</em></strong>!!!<br />tanx to rai, i wasnt kept in d dark 4 too long...<br />before i slept last nite, i smsed d main players in d group, d supposedly '<em>leaders</em>' dat no other in d grp dare to defy...<br />mayb d should haf dis rule dat other /new group members should <em><strong>kowtow</strong></em> to em each time meetin is held!!<br />they remind me of d cruel pharaoh of egypt...<br />"wus nice werking as a grp w u guys.tanx 4 everyting! =)"<br />i had to be professional rite...<br />so they wan me out...i will leave...<br />even if they cant find sum1 to replace me...i will leave...<br />i have made up my mind n i wont turn back...<br /><br /><br />woke up dis morning worried...<br />kept tinking abt d grp selection today....<br />i gathered all my courage n went to school...<br /><strong>"WHAT DONT KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER"</strong><br />d feeling was awkward ..<br />my heart beat was tremendous..<br />i saw d two key players came to cls....<br />i pretended dat nothing had happened...<br /><strong></strong>i had promised rai dat i wont utter a word to em abt me knowing cos according to rai he will get it from em...<br />he did try to back me up cos afterall he n another grpmate was d ones who had asked me to go 4 d chalet as i haf completed my part...<br /><br /><em><strong>SITI</strong></em><br />brought me news dat her group has accepted me...<br />delighted...i felt freed..<br />just at d rite time just minutes b4 d grp selection rai smsed me<br />"they want to take u back in our grp!!only nay they kick out...I jus spoke to ********. jus join back our grp la. dun tink 2 much."<br /><br />u tell me how to react..??<br />so what m i now??<br />sum kind of puppet...<br />i tink u got d wrong person guys....<br /><br />i replied rai dat i shall leave n has joined another grp...<br />n when rai told em...<br />"WHATEVER!!!!"<br />they sound pissed..<br />haha<br />eermmm sorry guys, how old did u tell me u were again???<br />all d respects 4 u guys were just gone..<br /><em>i used to see u so tall up ther...but now u so so small..almost nothing to me..<br /><br /></em>yup, i was seen as d liar, d bad person just because u thought i didnt know dat u wan me out....<br />but too bad 4 u n fortunately 4 me i diD!!!<br />yes i told u i will stick w d old grp...n u did too confirmed dat im d group but i din know dat behind my back u still hold grudges against me...<br />i dun care...<br />whatever to u guys...<br />u wana hate me...<br />go ahead...<br />read my lips..."<strong>IM NOT YR PUPPET!U CANT CONTROL ME.I DO WHAT I WANNA!!!!"</strong><br />get it now....?<br /><br />n so d group selection was made in a different way...<br />5 group members were called out n had to make a choices of their members...<br />i hope u guys r happy wif ur selection...<br />u should...u haf replaced me...w a much betta choice...<br />i haf a new grp now... 8 of us...big grp heh?<br />i hope my grp members will b straight w me...n nt keep grudges ...<br />n i will try my very best to do a gd job in whatever task dat is delegated to me...<br />haha guess what nelson is back again w me in d new group...<br /><br />grudges will only bring hatred n anger till god noes when...the game will never end...<br />so after today i will pretend dat nothing happen n start a new chapter in life...<br />i bear no gruges no hatred...<br />once again, i tank u <strong><em>RAI </em></strong>4 treating me as a fren n 4 being honest to me..<br /><br /><br />n to my sweetheart....<br />tank u darling 4 supporting me tru my ups n downs....<br />n all d advices dat u gave me...<br />such a darling...my beautiful stranger...<br />mwakZ!!!<br />u made me stronger day by day....<br />wore d sweather dat u made 4 me just so i can feel ur presence...<br />its like ur keeping me warm...<br />i miss u....i need u!!<br />mwkaz!!!<br />now im back in d game again...<br />dats d beauty of blogging *winkZ*<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115218314731602551?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1152087264017865682006-07-05T01:00:00.000-07:002006-07-05T01:24:00.250-07:00im still in a state of shock!!!<br />after sch today shalini n me witness a theft..<br />a <strong>BOLD</strong> act by a chinese man whom i assumed is a foreigner in his mid 30s broke open d showcase of m1 shop.<br />d sounds of broken glasses shocked d hundreds of us in westmall...<br />after he broke the showcase of handphones in m1, he picked up one of d handphones n took off..<br /><br />several m1 staff gave chase but could not keep up...<br />dis is sumthing dat i will not 4get..<br />wat went through his mind as he was doing it?<br />isnt he afraid?<br />was he in his right mind?<br />i tried putting myself in his shoes...<br />but i still couldnt figure out y he was so daring...<br /><br />mayb he is not in his right mind afterall....<br />questions of if he will be caught<br />or did d cctv capture d whole incident (<em>if there was a cctv)</em> runned through our minds...<br />but deep down inside i hope he will escape...i donoe y i feel like dis..<br />yes,he commited a crime but its not worth it jst 4 1 handphone...<br />hopefully he realised his actions n will not repeat....<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115208726401786568?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1152085669339487932006-07-05T00:34:00.000-07:002006-07-05T01:25:44.426-07:00<strong>5th July 2006<br /></strong>3rd day of a new semestwe in SHATEC...<br />greeted by rai in d morning, i was excited to go through the dae...<br />but i realised after d 1st half n hour of cls dat things were never gonna be same again...<br />there were tension n akwardness in many of us.<br /><br />after 3 months of being separated n posted to the different training outlets, we came back as a class...<br />a class full of changes.<br /><br />strangers became good frens n good frens errrm became not so good.<br />there is dis particular person <em>(i shall not mention who)</em> initially was a good fren of mine..despite the difference in race n likings.. he used to look 4 me wen he needed advice mostly abt relationships<em>...(ehem they dont call me doctor love 4 nothing)</em> kidding!!<br />i realised dat dis <strong>boy</strong> tried too hard to blend in w his company dat consists of<strong> guys</strong> who has a passion 4 flaring n bartending...<br />drastic changes in dis person..<br />he tried <strong>TOO HARD</strong> to sound n look like d rest...<br />im still trying to find the positive side to his changes but so far hasnt been fruitful...<br />hes became dis rough "<em>creature".</em>crude n just a pain to d ears n eyes he had turned to..<br />just by looking at him,words of anger will b thrown at u...<br />n d worst thing he happen to be in my grp..<br />how i wish i have sum kind of teleporting powers...i will try to turn back time...<br />how i miss d daes wen everyting was simple..<br /><br />speaking abt miss..<br />i miss her..<br />i miss us..<br />d laughing..<br />d hanging out after school..<br />d checking each other out during classes..<br />but we were separated by misundastandings..<br />till today i see u...<br />i wana talk to u..<br />but i don haf d courage too..<br />im too afraid of my own actions..<br />wat if i make d same mistake again..<br />r u gonna ignore me 4eva?<br />r we gonna be like dis 4eva?<br />im sorry.. i suck as a fren but u did things dat i could not accept..<br />i tot i could never b yr fren nomore...<br />but i realised i miss us wen i saw u...<br />i realli hope i haf a chance to talk to u...<br />9 months is all dat we haf left in school...<br />i hope by den i wont be still hoping 4 all dis..<br /><em>take care my fren..<br />i hope 4 d best 4 u....</em><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115208566933948793?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1152012194653637302006-07-04T03:35:00.000-07:002006-07-04T04:32:18.853-07:00<span style="color:#66cccc;">baby baby baby....</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">wat is wrong w us??</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">d holidays, d trip was supposed to make us closer...but did it?</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">we were at war wen we reached home...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;"></span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">baby, i miss d old u..</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">i miss us..</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;"></span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">no doubt, you r by far d onli person next to shalini n my mum who can tolerate me</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">put up w my mood swings, try too handle me when im stressed up...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">i take my hat off 4 u...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;"></span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">but darling i miss d u who used to calm me down wen im stressed up...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">d u who pamper me till im spoilt...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">d u who gifs me suggestions till im fed-up..</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">d u who never ever leaves me alone...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">d u who alwiz try to b ther 4 me....</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">gosh baby i miss <strong>US</strong> loadz...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;"></span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">i noe shit happens ppl change, but 4 my sake can u make an <strong>EXCEPTION...</strong></span><strong><br /></strong><span style="color:#66cccc;">i noe ur goin tru bad times...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">n i pray...i pray dat your bad time will pass quickly...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">n u can achieve ur dreams...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">hope i can be ther to c u achieve it...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;"></span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">1 year has passed</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">my feelings towards u....its beyond words...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">im realli sorry 4 all d pain n tears i brought to u...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">switheart...u need not worried if i go out w people (u noe i noe who)</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">u need not fear dat my feelings 4 u will change...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">it will never.....</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">miting u each time is a new experience 4 me...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">i get excited even till now...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">butterflies in my tummy....</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">jus like back in secondary school, </span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">everytime i see u,i get excited even tho i realised i wasnt good enough 4 u...ehem2....heh</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">mwakZ</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;"></span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">today i cant reach u tru ur mobile....</span><br /><strong><span style="color:#000066;">shah rizal,</span></strong><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">u haf no idea how worried i was...</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">wen i finally get to hear yr voice....gosh..d feeling was damn good..</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">dun ever do dat to me again....</span><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">its scary...</span><br /><span style="color:#cc66cc;"></span><br /><em><span style="color:#00cccc;">baby i love u...</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#00cccc;">n ill never let u go....</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#00cccc;">but if i haf to,boy i tink dat u should noe....</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#00cccc;">all d love we made could never be erased...</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#00cccc;">n i promised u dat <strong>u will never b replaced</strong>...</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#00cccc;"></span></em><br /><span style="color:#66cccc;">mwakZ.....</span><br /><span style="color:#cc66cc;"></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115201219465363730?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1151219873527316522006-06-25T00:06:00.000-07:002006-07-05T01:20:00.030-07:00yes!!! over n done with!!! THE whole 3 mths of outlets training...<br />but 1st i wana apologise to certain people....all those who have worked with me n haf been flared at...<br />sorry deh!!!<br /><br />work is work...frens is frens...<br />lets not mix these two up okiez...<br /><br />to ALAN PANG JUN MING, you were 1 of the people who suffered d most w me...<br />mayb u took me seriously...<br />im realli2 sorry 4 everyting n thank you 4 being d great fren dat you are..<br />hope u hold no grudges against me..<br /><br />DOUGLAS, what i tols u was 4 ur own good...(gosh i sound like yr mum)<br />hope you minus d negative comments dat i made n turned it to a negative one cus i believe if you are more responsible you will be a great2 person...<br /><br />FIONA, in yr blog it states dat you learnt nt to mess w certain people who can 'tekan' others but cannot be 'tekan'. correct me if im wrong but errrm i tink its me rite, yr so called gf?? haha nah... perhaps i did haf dis lil debate abt d onion family thingy...(gosh its a joke now)<br />but i hope things that happened at werk, it ends at werk... dont take it too personally ait..<br />and sorry if i did 'tekan' u in sumway..<br /><br />honestly it was a priceless 3 months dat we had....<br />petals was by far d best even tho i just cant stand d pastry guy gosh check out his smell...*winkz*<br />thank you guys 4 d wonderful bitter sweet experience...<br />thank you mr lua...<br /><br />orite now gotto get ready 4 my trip...<br />happy holidays people...<br />mwakZZZZZZZZ!!!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-115121987352731652?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1148812937169302272006-05-28T18:18:00.000-07:002006-05-28T04:21:00.253-07:00<span style="color:#666600;">as a lil girl, growing up was long n tiring 4 me.. having to carry dis baggage of sadness, anger n defence 4 myself was never easy..<br />i never knew d feeling of having sum1 dat i could call 'daddy'.<br />d <em>'father figure'</em> i had was gone after 4 years...4 short years...4 years of happiness of hafing a complete family..<br /><em>noor hussein bin syed alam</em>.........<strong>WAS</strong> my daddy..<br />rich n intelligent but sadly humility was never in his dictionary.<br />family members recognised us...as we had a luxurious place to accomodate em.<br />grandparents adore me.n suddenly d woman who stood by me 4 d past 20 years whom i m proud to call mum became d favourite person.<br />Unfortunately or rather <em><strong>FORTUNATELY</strong></em> 4 us, d 4 short years past. Gone were d daes when family came to our luxurious house to stay. cus thers d house was not ther anymore..<br />noor hussein n mama..separated.<br />mama had decided to take custody of me..<br />life wasnt easy....more to suffering.<br />i did not recognise the wonders of having good proper food..or sinking myself into toys.<br />no..all that did not exist.MILK was not my drink as a child.. everytime i begged mama 4 sumting, she would show her her purse onli to see its empty...<br />family members??haha mama n i were kicked out by her d woman she calls younger sister...<br />she wanted privacy in her house..n we were somewhat a hindrance...<br /><br />i was <em>outcasted</em> in family gatherings, i was d deviL, that poor lil gerl who cant speak no proper english..<br />every time sumones did sumthing wrong, guess who got d blame??damn rite. i, <em>beevi nurjahan</em> got d blame.mama got d bad name.n it was tough on her...oready in dat state n sumhow all d blames i got made it worse. each time</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">i got whacked so hard each time dat being naughty n playful became so scary..it was really scary.2nd sister was spared as she was taken care by grandma since young so she was part of them..<br />grandma chased eldest sis out cus mama could not provided sufficient money. </span><span style="color:#666600;"><em>life was bitter.<br /><br /></em>it was until secondary school dat i realised i had enough. i not scared or i should say intimidated by these rich people. yeast i wasnt half as smart as them. but surely i deserve more respect than that...<br />i started developing the <strong>'whatever' </strong>attitude towards em.. so they don wana tok to me cus im stoopid,not cool n stay in a small container like house which i call home..yeah2 watever!!!<br />hari raya was just another routin of faking family gatherings n showing how much we love our families..<br />it was tiring. i wana jus go far far away from em... their common topic would be which cousins of mine married a lawyer, whos earning 4k a month n who got good grades... </span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">same old same old...</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">i was never d talk 4 the good n clever people.. damn rite i dun belong to dat catogary..<br />so every1 else is dating a caucasian...or sum tycoon's son ... </span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">when i got my driving licence, sum were not pleased..said mum's spoiling me, spending too much money on me...when i got to shatec...haha guess what they said they same thing..<br />well guess what, i decided to b different again!!! im dating a </span><span style="color:#666600;"><strong>MALAY!!!!!<br /></strong>a freaking malay guy who adores me....haha mwakZ!</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">n when i do sumthing wild...they would <em>'flatter'</em> me again, making me d hot topic of d day...</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">not realising that their kids r doin d same thing...what the hell!!!</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;"></span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">so i dun care if u r marrying d president's son...or earning like 10k a month...</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">so dun cum bragging ait...</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;"></span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">poor people like me n mama probably dun deserve to even talk to rich, clever people...</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">tank u mama, 4 everyting dat u gave me...u showered me with love n knowledge...</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;"></span><span style="color:#666600;">long gone were d daes when i yearn to haf sum1 to call daddy..i dun care n i dun wan to anymore..mama has brought me up to b stronmg n now i stick by to dis saying <em><strong>' what doesnt kill me, makes me stronger'.<br /><br /></strong></em></span><span style="color:#666600;">rich man spoils d city, poor man cant even spoil d town....</span><br /><strong><span style="color:#666600;">my life, my choice.i control!!!</span></strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-114881293716930227?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1148193361490968432006-05-20T23:08:00.000-07:002006-05-20T23:36:01.500-07:00im no fool.<br />if u think i donoe wats going on...think again gerlfriend,mayb i chose to pretend not to noe.<br />if u think its fun playing this games w me...ur in dis game alone.<br />i cannot be bothered.<br />its already tiring going tru so much in life.<br />to tink dat i used to respect u, sing praises abt u n adore yr beauty.i know ur still young but never never did it occur to me dat ur dat childish lil thang...<br />respect i haf lost 4 u...i pity u...<br />u n ur so called bf...hah!<br />dat fren of mine...who lies abt every single thing in the world...<br />lies without even thinking...<br />gosh! u must be crazy to think dat i like him just cos i put up our pic together in frenster's main..<br />take yr time to grow up n start being matured orite..slowly, no worries..<br />haha wat a joke to me to find out from yr fren dat d shoutout u posted wus directed to me...<br />sad sad lil thing u...<br />oh yah i 4got ur bf is supposd to be d hunk, mr handsome or perhaps mr casanova rite...<br />owh yah i 4got tooo many gerls went crazy 4 him n some even commited suicide rite??hahah<br />4 those reading dis, dun b mistaken, im not toking abt jude law...<br />hahahaha wat a joke!<br /><br />just so u noe gerlfren, i dun go 4 liars, who claimes dat he slept w almost every other gerl..<br />who lies abt being in a relationship w evry other gerl behind his gf..<br />who go around telling everyone how much he wants his virgin gf to b in his pants .....<br /><br />i honestly pity both of u....<br />one is a liar, the other one is insecure...<br />awwwwwwwwwww soooo sad!!!<br /><br />i have my cupcake,md shah rizal....y wld i fancy a liar rite...<br /><br />to whom it may concern, i haf a lil advice 4 u...GROW UP!!! seriously.......<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-114819336149096843?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1148004353004459572006-05-18T19:05:00.000-07:002006-07-01T06:57:41.503-07:00this week has been rough 4 me...<br />no no not wif anyone but w diseases..<br /><strong><span style="color:#3333ff;">mon </span></strong>...down w terrible2 headaches..<br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong>tues </strong></span>... fever n den it stopped....<br /><strong><span style="color:#666666;">wed</span> </strong>...aaaaaaaaaarggg fever ... whole body wuz aching...i jus cant bring myself to the clinic...<br />trying to avoid mcs n makeups... (dis is the last week in rosette)..<br /><strong><span style="color:#660000;">thurs</span> </strong>.... lost my voice after a nite of clubbing (amy's bdae). baby had been so nice to actualli asked me out 4 movies... we watch x-men but guess wat....I HAD SORE EYES!!!!!<br />n so d character of cyclops died in xmen...hehe. i knew dat dis tyme i cant run away...i haf to get mc...<br />i haf to cum back 4 makeups...<br />damn...d last tyme i had soreyes i had to take 2 weeks of mc before i fully recover...<br /><br />with strong determination, i prayed n prayed n do all i can so dat my body temperature will cum down n my soreyes will b gone...<br />drank lots of water, n eyemore i used too much into my poor eyes..<br />slept w my eye mask...n <em><strong>wahlah</strong></em> i woke up todae feeling n looking much3 betta!!!!<br /><br />dats d wonders of having faith...<br />no mcs...no makeups...<br />a happy beevi.....<br /><br />baby had jus left my home to haf his car serviced...<br />he wasnt ashamed to b seen w me despite my condition..<br />tank u darling...<br />4 all ur time ...<br />it wus priceless watching u dance...<br />yr sacrifice is much appreciated! mwakZ!!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-114800435300445957?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28360472.post-1148001958531274822006-05-18T18:23:00.000-07:002006-05-18T18:25:58.540-07:00like a virgin....<br /><br />bloggin 4 d very 1st time....been wantin to blog since 4eva.<br /> but i cant reali express myself in words...but i feel dis is d only way i cant let out my feelings towards a certain sum1 or sumthin out <strong><em>LOUD!!!!</em></strong><br />loud...hmm dats wat i m...i cant deny dat can i??<br />i noe...u noe...everybody noes im loud...its a matter of acceptin n gettin used to...many cant accept it...they will be like 'beevi...i can hear u from downstairs' to me...but i noe deep down inside they wanna cum up to me n just stich up my mouth...haha who could blame em ... i dont! but i cant blame myself either... take it or leave it....afew times people would ask me, 'haf u ever tot of changing for people... i sighed and told em, i would but at the end of d day if i feel deprived of talking n becum so miserable wat good wld changin 4 people be???<br />beevi..............LOUD!!!!!!<br /><br /><strong><em>FANCY DAT!!!!</em></strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28360472-114800195853127482?l=decemberdreamz.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>beevihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10271050200984078386noreply@blogger.com0